Once and Again (Chapter 3)

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:: THREE ::

Quinn sensed that a new day was miraculously dawning even through the intensity of the storm’s fury. She stretched her arms and looked around. It hadn’t been a dream after all. After all those years, she was really here in Cole Hollister’s cabin. Sliding off the blankets, she got out of the couch and walked to the windows. As she’d expected, the snow was still falling outside, though not as heavily as yesterday.

Grabbing her clothes and her toiletries kit out of her knapsack, she tiptoed down the hallway to the bathroom, washed up, changed into a pair of woollen pants and heavy dark grey cotton sweater. Standing in the hallway, she listened for signs that Cole had already woken up and hearing none, walked softly into the kitchen.

She got a fresh pot of coffee brewing on the stove and decided to make some pancakes for breakfast. Adding several logs to the stove, Quinn battered a couple of eggs and was layering the mix on the saucepan when Cole, following his nose, emerged at the doorway of the kitchen.

“You’re making pancakes?” He sniffed appreciatively from over her shoulder. “Name your price, lady.”

Quinn, concentrating on the pancakes, jumped at his sudden intrusion. Turning around to levy warnings about sneaking up behind her, her throat constricted at the sight of Cole. He had yet to shave and the slight stubble on his face added to his already dangerous appeal.

She would chastise him all right. When her heart stopped its marathon.

“Good morning, Quinn.”

“Good morning.” She replied, willing the heat in her face to subside as she turned back to the stove, flipping the pancake over. “I hope you don’t mind. I thought you might be hungry when you woke up, so I took the liberty of making some pancakes.”

“Mind? You must be kidding.” Cole held up the bottle of cranberry sauce and tried to read its label, distracted by the proximity of Quinn. “What can I do to help?”

“Set the table.” Quinn said. And stop crowding me, she thought but didn’t add.

Cole made a noise of assent and retrieved some plates from the cabinet, laying them neatly on the table, alongside some utensils. He couldn’t even concentrate on this simple task, to his mild surprise. His mind kept wondering to the sexy lady layering pancakes, and insisting that this was how it should have been for the two of them. Side by side doing mundane, everyday tasks in companionable silence, knowing that their devotion was constant even without words.

Instead, they were separated by two feet, as well as a gulf of twelve years that was impossible to surmount.

Suddenly feeling aggressive and furious, Cole spun Quinn around roughly and all but dragged her to the sitting room, ignoring the startled stutters that were trying to form sentences.

When Quinn was finally coherent, he was already throwing a parka and a scarf on her.

“What do you think you are doing?” Quinn asked indignantly, her eyes hot behind her mussed up hair that pulled free of its ponytail.

“Turning you into a Christmas turkey. What does it look like I’m doing?” Cole snapped as he shrugged his big body into his parka.

“Why are we wearing all of these clothing?” Quinn made a downward sweep with her hand, thankful that her voice remained sharp even when she felt tongue tied standing so close to Cole.

“We’re... we are...” Cole’s temper drained out of him in an instant, what was there to be angry about, after all these years? And why did he make her put on her stupid parka anyway? “We’re going to build a snowman!” He declared triumphantly as inspiration struck.

“Build a snowman?”

Cole wondered why she made it sound as if he’d suggested going whale hunting.

“Yes. Build a snowman.”

Quinn hoped she didn’t look as befuddled as she felt.

“What about the snow?”

“What of it? You need snow to build snowmen.”

Quinn gave him a look that suggested he had lost his mind.

“It’s still falling heavily. It’s going to be freezing.”

Cole shrugged noncommittally. “So we won’t go far.”

They glared at each other.

“What about breakfast?” Quinn spoke first.

“It’s not going to run away.”

“It’ll get cold instead.”

“So heat it up.”

“Why should I.”

“Then don’t.”

“And waste the pancakes?”

“I bought the ingredients. It’s my money.”

“I’m cooking them.”

“So eat them.”

“You are so stubborn.”

“Indefatigable.”

“Asshole.”

“Bite me.” Cole suggested.

Undaunted, Quinn continued glowering at him, thinking of more reasons why they should stay in.

She was about to throw out more excuses when Cole grabbed her by the hand and pulled her out off the cabin so swiftly that she had no chance to dig in her heels.

The cold air outside hit her all at once, and her face felt as if countless needles were pricking it. Deciding to deal with the tyrant later, she pulled on her woollen caps and gloves, then added mufflers to be on the safe side.

Cole was already kneeling in the snow, forming balls of snow with his gloved hands. “We‘ll have a competition.” He said without facing her, his voice eager, without a hint of its former belligerence. “We’ll see who builds a better snowman, okay?”

Quinn was about to turn away when he stopped her, tugging her gently by the hand. “Stay.” Cole said softly, his eyes imploring.

Quinn remembered that fateful night twelve years ago. Stay, she’d pleaded silently.

He did not.

And yet, she couldn’t help but think of yesterday night, how he’d stroked her cheek as if they were still lovers. How she’d silently cried for both of them.

She nodded her assent, moving forward so that her snow creation would stand beside Cole’s.

She caught the look of joy on Cole’s face, and felt a crack in her heart.

If only you’d stayed then...

*

Two hours later, their creations were complete.

Despite how roughly Cole manhandled her earlier on, Quinn’s mood had improved steadily the moment she had started on her snowman. Must be something about the snow. Throughout the two hours, they’d talked. It was just like old times, Quinn had thought, as they caught up through the years, and told each other about their families. They’d rediscovered each other, found out how each other had changed in the twelve years, in big ways and small. Cole found out that she no longer liked wearing high heels, while she found out that his passion of flying was just as strong, if not stronger than, baseball.

“You’re lucky.” Quinn had said then. “Not everybody gets to have a second chance to start over.”

Cole nodded, his hands busily patting down the ice into shape. “I know. For a while back after I quit playing the Majors, I thought it was the end of the road for me. It was by pure luck that I stumbled across friends who introduced me to flying aircrafts. And pure luck too, that I had enough savings to start my own charter.”

“If it fun? Flying in the skies?”

“Absolutely.” Cole nodded his head vigorously. “Exhilarating, in fact. I once thought only hearing the crowds cheer could induce that sort of feeling in me. Thus far, only two other things have the same power over me. Flying is one of them.”

“What is the other?”

Waking up in the morning and seeing your face beside mine. Knowing that you belong to me, as you slowly open your eyes. Feeling my heart skip several beats as you give me a smile. These answers, together with several others, ran through his mind.

Quinn turned to look at him as the stillness drew on. When Cole met her gaze, it was if she immediately understood, for she turned back and concentrated on fixing on twigs as arms for her snowman.

Silence had ensued.

Now, they both stepped back and admired their work.

Cole’s snowman had a misshapen head reminiscent of Godzilla, and its body was sharp with angles and edges. Cole had dug out some dates to substitute as red eyes, and stones acted as teeth while the monster stomped tiny snowmen less than a foot tall to death. Quinn’s snowman resembled a house maker, and she had given it her woollen cap, and tied a rag around its curves to act as an apron. Quinn also stuck a wooden ladle so that they balanced on the twigs.

“Well,” Quinn said in a self-congratulatory air. “I think it’s apparent who has the winning piece.”

“Oh, I suppose you think your’s better.” Cole replied scornfully.

“I just happen to know so.”

“I’ll have you know that Godzilla here can level you and your cute little doll to the ground.” Cole said with a grin.

“You can try, if you dare.” Quinn challenged and started to walk back to the house, swinging her hips as sassily as she could in the bulky winter wear.

She was just about to reach the stairs to the porch when a snowball hit her squarely on the back. She gasped from the cold and the shock.

Slowly, she turned back and faced Cole, who was wearing a devastating, boyish grin that reeked of smugness.

“Cole Hollister, I‘ll get you.” Quinn swore and knelt down to grab her arsenal.

In what seemed like mere seconds, two more snowballs hit her shoulder and her head, even as she gathered the ice. Gritting her teeth against the cold, she flung her two snowballs, both of which he dodged easily. The one he threw in retaliation missed her face by inches and nipped at her ears. Knowing she was no match in a distance match, Quinn gathered two more snowballs and advanced towards Cole, dodging three more snowballs but getting hit in her leg by a fourth.

Face to face with Cole, she grinned impishly and prepared to slam her weapons into Cole’s face. She never knew what hit her, one moment she was raising her arms, and she was flat on her butt the next, the snowballs smashed against her chest. Cole was prone on top of her, and normally, the proximity would have rendered her useless but this time round, Quinn was too busy fending off his attacks to bother with the fact that he was sprawled flat on top of her. Cole had propped himself up with one arm and the other was busily rubbing ice onto her face.

Spluttering, Quinn laughed helplessly and gave up, flailing her arms in surrender. “I give up!” She sputtered through the snow.

“So, I win?” Cole asked.

“Yes, you win, you win. Now get off me, you brute.” Quinn tried to alternate between laughing, wiping ice off her face and pushing him off.

"Good that you are yielding to my obvious superiority.” Cole said smugly and flopped over, so that he laid beside her on the ice, his chest rising with each deep breath he took.

Quinn rubbed the ice off her face and caught her breath, enjoying this moment while the rhythm of their inhalations were in complete unison. Their hands had somehow found each other while they were panting away, and Cole was holding on tight. Quinn didn’t feel like freeing hers, and welcomed the warmth that he offered.

How long has it been since the two of them were so carefree and happy?

Quinn was just starting to feel glad that she agreed to the snowman building contest when the pain rocked through her. It was not unlike the previous she’d encountered in the snowstorm, as it speared from her head to her body.

“Ow.” Quinn couldn’t help crying out in pain. Her hand pulled free of Cole’s and even through the white hot pain, she was instantaneously regretful that she had to end the contact.

Cole was beside her in an instant. “What’s wrong?” He asked worriedly.

As abruptly as the pain had come, it subsided. Even so, its aftermath left Quinn feeling weak and feeble.

“I’m alright,” She mumbled weakly. “Just a headache from the cold.”

Immediately, Cole gathered her up in his arms, ignoring her protests, moving back to the cabin. “This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have dragged you out into the cold for a stupid game. I should have made you rest in bed.”

The door slammed open with the kick that Cole gave, and the cabin seemed to rattle on its foundations. Cole was moving so swiftly that Quinn could feel the rush of air on her face.

“I’m fine. Really. I will be.” Quinn protested even as he stripped her down to her sweater, and lowered her onto his bed.

“I want you to rest.”

“But...”

“No buts.”

“I...”

“Not a single word.”

Against her will, Quinn grinned wearily as the old Cole, bossy and caring at the same time, resurfaced through the years. “Yes boss.”

Cole leaned down to press a warm kiss on her head tenderly but Quinn was already falling asleep to issue any objections. “And when you wake up, I have a surprise for you.”

Her lips curved as she heard his words even through the haze. She was sure of one fact even before her slumber.

When love was true enough, deep enough, it never dies.

Cole...

*

A fire was blazing in the hearth when Quinn walked into the sitting room, throwing mysterious shadows over the furniture.

When she caught sight of the pine tree standing tall beside the fireplace, she gasped in pleasure.

Crouched beside the tree hanging decorations, Cole turned at the sound and gave her a tender smile.

“A Christmas tree!” Quinn marvelled at the majestic six feet tall tree.

“Yeah, like it?” Cole stood beside her and surveyed the tree with a critical eye.

“I love it!” Quinn enthused. “How did you get it?”

“With a lot of difficulty.” Cole replied sombrely, slinging his arm affectionately around her shoulder. “I told you I wanted to surprise you.”

Quinn was circling the tree, dragging Cole along with her.

“I tried calling your ranch on my cell phone but couldn’t get a clear signal through the snow. Seeing that you’d most likely be spending Christmas here tomorrow, I decided to make up for you being stuck here.”

“Oh, you shouldn’t have,” Quinn said, warmed nonetheless that he went to the trouble. “But I’m glad you did.”

“Speaking of which, how did you get yourself sprawled in the snow yesterday?” Cole wanted to know.

“Hmm?” Quinn replied absent-mindedly as she examined the decorations. “Oh, that. My car broke down and I had to hike. Pure and simple. I got caught in the snowstorm.”

“I’ll say. It‘s lucky you reached my cabin in time. Think your family will worry?”

“Maybe. But there’s nothing I can do about that.”

Cole joined her as they hung home-made decorations onto the tree.

“Know what this tree needs?” Quinn asked suddenly.

“No, what?” Cole smiled at her.

“Cookies.”

“Huh? Cookies?”

Nodding her head, Quinn was already going through the ingredients she needed. “That’s what my parents used to do when I was young. Hang Christmas cookies on the Christmas trees.”

When she saw the doubtful look on Cole’s face, she made up her mind.

“Come on and give me a hand,” Quinn said, trying to drag him up from his crouching position. “I promise it’ll be fun.”

A short while later, they were both up to their elbows in flour.

“Knead harder, so that the lumps are broken down.” Quinn instructed.

Cole gave her a fulminating look. “I don‘t need you to teach me that.”

“Yeah? Prove it.”

Without thinking, Cole lifted a hand full of flour and drew two white stripes down her cheeks, beside her nose.

Quinn’s hands stilled in the bowl, and she turned to look at him slowly, her eyes shooting cold fire.

“I can’t believe you did that.”

Cole immediately tried to look contrite.

“That was so juvenile.”

“I’m sorry.” Cole intoned, trying hard not to laugh.

“So am I. I’m sorry you did that.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” Her cool tone finally got through to Cole, and he turned to look for a clean towel. “Look, honey, I’m really sorry for that. I wasn’t...”

“I’m sorry you did that because you are forcing me to retaliate.”

Cole whipped back to defend himself but it was too late.

Quinn dumped half a sack full of flour on his head. The powder drifted down Cole’s nose, ears, hair, and got into every niche of his face. Quinn stepped back from the aftermath and dusted her hands satisfactorily.

“Now, you’re a regular Santa.”

“Ho, ho, ho.” Cole laughed without the least bit of humour and walked slowly towards Quinn, who tried to fend him off valiantly.

Cole snagged an egg without Quinn noticing and kept the hand behind his back. When he was close enough, he cornered Quinn in a corner, and grinned while she ironically tried to defend herself with an egg battler.

He lifted the egg above her head and with his fingers, cracked the fragile shell. The slimy egg white plopped down on her hair first, then slid down her forehead, with the yolk close on its heels.

Quinn yelped, her flailing hands came by a cup of sudsy water and she flung its contents into Cole’s chest with one swift, sure stroke.

Cole studied his ruined sweater through narrowed eyes while Quinn belatedly tried to survey the damage to her hair done using her hands, making more of a mess in the meantime.

“That does it.” Both of them said at the same time, not without malicious glee.

The small kitchen became a battlefield for the next half an hour, with eggs flying, lumpy flour streaking and water splashing all over.

The final casualty rate stood at thirteen eggs, three bags of flour, one bag of sugar as well as one ill-fated mixing bowl.

*

Both of them stepped back from the tree after hanging the cookies and surveyed their handiwork. Glitzy decorations hung on the tree cheerfully and a cherubic angel playing a harp sat on top of it. The two cookies hung side by side somewhere in the middle of the tree, in the shape of Quinn’s left hand and Cole’s right.

“It‘s all your fault.” Quinn accused after a comfortable silence. “We could have had much more cookies.”

“I didn’t see you restraining yourself in the kitchen.” Cole teased.

Both of them turned to face each other at the exact moment, and words simultaneously froze in their throats. Cole looked down into her eye, and felt as he was drowning in its brown depths that were flecked with gold. Everything in the room grew still as Cole’s senses focused entirely on Quinn. Slowly he moved closer to Quinn, and his hands slid around her waist to link at the small of her back. They were a perfect fit, even after all those years. His head lowered steadily until his lips were tantalizingly close to her slightly parted ones. So close that the essence of her filled his senses like they did in the past.

Quinn gazed at him, enraptured.

So long ago...

Every detail of his attractive face seemed so endearing as she stroked his cheeks lightly with her hand.

It was so long ago...

The arms around her were achingly familiar, his powerfully built body made her feel secure, his warmth offered her comfort. Quinn closed her eyes.

Stay...

Her heart thundered. Her mind raced and she suddenly became flustered and confused as the past reared its ugly head.

Please stay, Cole. Stay with me...

She couldn’t do it. Couldn’t get her feelings on the line once more. She’d gotten her heart broken the last time she did. Abruptly she pulled away and the moment ended. Cole’s arms dropped listlessly to his sides and his eyes looked hurt and confused, though he showed no expression on his face.

Both of them stood facing each other.

“I think you’d better go clean up in the bathroom. I’ll uh, go tidy up the kitchen.” Cole said uncertainly after a while.

Nodding, Quinn turned and walked down the hallway swiftly so that Cole could not see the tears that were rolling down her cheeks.

*

Another sleepless night, Cole said to himself as he tossed around.

After what happened just now, why should he have expected his night to go smoothly? After the awkward scene where he acted like a randy teenage boy, the rest of the day had gone steadily downhill. Whatever conversation they shared was dominated by the weather, recent news, a book, then back to the weather. Quinn refused to meet his eyes, making him feel both guilty and frustrated.

Accept it, Hollister! He told himself sharply. Face the truth. She doesn’t want you now anymore than she wanted you twelve years ago. Remember your wedding day!

Feeling miserable, he got out of bed. Time to walk those twenty-nine steps again.

But when he reached the couch, Quinn wasn’t there. He experienced a brief flare of unpleasant panic before he realised that she couldn’t have chosen to escape while it was dark and still snowing.

Finding the front door unlocked and her heavy parka gone, Cole threw on his own set of clothes and went out. The snow had nearly stopped falling. The snowstorm was near an end.

Following his instincts, Cole plodded west, where the forest lay.

As he’d expected, he found Quinn standing by the rock under the tree and silently joined her.

If she was surprised at his appearance, she didn’t show it.

“Do you remember this rock?” Quinn said quietly after a while.

Cole laughed softly, white vapour billowing out of his mouth at the expulsion of air. “Of course I do.”

They both fell into silence once again.

“Do you know, I loved only you back then.” Quinn continued after the lengthy pause. Cole found no response. Had he not loved only her?

“I knew that. What I didn’t know, couldn‘t have known then, was that I would still love you after all these years, after all that you did.” Quinn’s voice cracked and she turned to look at Cole, who was shocked to find her crying. Not sobbing, not wailing. No hysterics, no anger.

Quinn was simply crying silently, her tears charting a silvery course down her cheeks in the moonlight.

“Why did you leave, Cole?”

Emotions warred within Cole, rendering him speechless.

...I would still love you after all these years...

“Why, Cole? Why did you leave? How could you have left just like that after your promise? Did what we had meant so little to you?”

Confusion set in.

“Wait a minute...”

“Why did you break your word?”

In desperation, Cole grabbed her by the shoulder. “What do you mean I broke my promise? I was here that day, waiting for you! Waiting for us to get married!”

“You promised me you’d stay, damn you!” Quinn was livid with pent up anger now, and Cole had to shake her physically to get her to listen to him.

“I did stay! You were the one who didn’t show up!” He roared, letting his own frustration take over. “I waited for you by the rock like I promised. With a ring. Right under this tree until the sun set. But you didn’t appear! You were the one who broke our promise!”

“Don’t you think it would have been hard for me to show up,” Quinn said acidly, “considering I was in a hospital having my brain tumour removed?”

Cole felt as if lightning had struck him where he stood.

“Maybe I should have said ‘Excuse me, doctor, could you just postpone the operation so I can meet my future husband.’ while he was slicing my scalp open! That would have been appropriate don’t you think?”

Brain tumour...

Operation...

“Or better yet, I could have kicked him so he’d let me go.”

“Stop it.”

“No, I might have injured myself that way. I know! I could have called the police so that they can stop him from performing surgery to save my freaking life!”

“Don’t make me beg. Stop.”

“Oh, I remember now,” Quinn said acidly. “I was unconscious. I couldn‘t have done either of those. How stupid of me. It was all my fault.”

“Please stop. Please.” Cole rasped and pulled Quinn tight against him, hugging her so tightly that for a moment, she couldn’t breathe. Where their cheeks rubbed, Quinn felt a warm dampness and realised with shock that Cole was crying. His body shuddered violently as he fought to control his emotions, as if he was devastated by the news he’d just received.

Inexplicably, her arms hugged him back, offering comfort even though there was no reason to. Why did he act as if he’d just discovered...

Oh God. He didn’t know. In all those years, he never knew.

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